Through time and sublime

Friend, philosopher or a guide

Far and unknown from the malice

To me, she was the reason

Of the laughter and smiles so wide

We had blended in the very first meet

Even sugar couldn’t have been that sweet

Appeared she did to all; a symbol of simplicity

Hidden beneath was the dark maze of complexity

Like the river, the words had flowed

Ups and downs; lows and highs

Through the marvels of the journey, I glowed

Oh Lord! Little did I know about the disguise

While I look at those marvellous years

I still can’t smile without any tears

But, give me chance to go back into the time

And I shall do exactly the same to feel the sublime

---Sriram

Being 24

In the evening just when I was about to go out for some work my doorbell rang. And to my pleasant surprise it was a birthday card from my parents. And moments later I was travelling across the time axis of the all the birthdays when the only common and the constant part has been my mom wishing me the first and with the same love and affection as it was when I was just a small kid. Well I guess there is nothing unique to it for almost every mom does it for the kid. But it has and still is the most special part of this day.

As a kid I still remember waking up to the tunes of a song “Hum bhi agar, bache hote, Naam hamara hota, dablu bablu... khaane ko milte laddu... arre duniya kehti happy birthday to you.” I think every single birthday of mine till I stayed at home used to begin with this. And honestly, I loved it every single time even when I was 18.

Over the years the ways of birthday celebrations change for most of us. As kids it used to be yet another day, playing with friends and getting all the attention and affection, not to forget the gifts and chocolates and sometimes even money from the eldest member of the family. Like any other kid, I used to keep all the chocolates to myself give the money to mom to safely put it in my Piggy Bank( or to bring out the real feeling as we call it GULLAK).

In the primary school, it usually was all about distributing toffees to the class mates in the period of the favourite teacher and all of the friends singing the “Happy Birthday song.” But the best part was in DPS we used to be allowed to wear our informal (coloured) clothes and be clearly distinguished as the b’day boy. In its own innocent sense, it was the happiest times of the year.

As we grow smart and lost the innocence, mere toffees weren’t enough and well, it got promoted to a school canteen party where, the foodies would dive into the samosas and pastries. {I myself being one held a record for gulping down around 10 on one such occasion.) And of course, for me it was also finally getting to initiate a talk with those beautiful girls (seniors, juniors) whom I kept falling for every now and then. In the last years of school it was mostly about garnering the special affection and sharing beautiful moments with the first love of life.

But what has been remarkably different has been the last 5 years where the birthday begun with the royal treatment of the ass and being painted with the cakes, which on the next day continues to happen if you are bestowed with multiple groups of friend and then finally wallet being let lose. The last 2 at SIMSR hostel were even more remarkable as the number of kicks had no upper limit neither the amount of fun. To add to it, I shared my birthday with my roomie as well which only multiplied the fun we all had together. The one I did manage to escape was the CRISIL tradition where all the colleagues used to sing the HAPPY BIRTHDAY song and more often the poor b’day guy used to be more than just embarrassed.

And here it is time for another one. Life passes by real quick. A year earlier I felt like a kid amongst all my friends who had already crossed 25. And now, it feels like there is so little time and so much to do. I guess being 24 has its own manifestations. The year to come, will, in its own way, determine and shape everything I have been and want to be. All I need is to be as passionate I was as a kid. And while I turn 24 in the next few hours, this is all I could scribble.

Wide awake I stare far away

Into the wilds, roads and up in the sky

Closing my eyes, I pray on this day

Let me remain a kid and yet fly high

---Sriram

Silent Thoughts

As I sit in repose, leaning back in my chair and listening to the tranquilizing music coming out of the violin, my mind wandered across the years and the holiday seasons spent in ways different each year.

Life tends to move in circles is what I have always believed. But then sometimes the run seems to be eternally long, making me wonder if the circle ever meets its beginning. Being the only child and brought up in a joint family, the experiences always used to be at extremes of commotion and total silence. Probably the first time when i moved out of my home, I so much wanted to stay alone, independently that I immediately rejected the idea of sharing my personal space with anyone whatsoever. And I loved those three years of having a room all for me and still never felt lonely. It was a nightmare for me to even think of staying in a hostel with triple sharing, but I was more than happy to be proved wrong. The two years were the best times which gave me the best of my friends who I so wish remain for the lifetime. And then a small duration of the stay in a flat with two of my close friends was another sweet addition to the memory lanes. To be honest, we never even considered it a flat. Atleast, I remember referring the place as pretty close to my home. And then suddenly here I am back to staying in a single room. The only difference being, its not so glorious and fun as it was for the first time. Maybe it is because of changed goals and motives or may be due to a taste of what it is to have friends around you all the time. I guess loneliness is more of a state of mind than the physical realities. As the romantics would put it, “one can be lonely amidst a party of friends and yet feel connected in a barren island.” Whatever the theory is, it makes me wonder as to why am I even thinking about all of this.

And before I could go deeper, suddenly, I am brought back to the reality with the noisy yet sweet little kids in the neighbourhood playing hide and seek. It is a festive season all around and the entire world seems to have gone back to the days when you sincerely believed in the SANTA. I look at those innocent faces wearing the red caps, I look at those gleaming faces wearing a smile and sharing the joy of being with their loved ones. Certainly a festival gives a way for you to revive the torn out and fill the widening gaps. And for me right now, it also is giving me a perfect moment to sit back and excuse myself from any work. A moment to sit by the window, listen to some soothing tunes and relish the memories, the experiences I have had with people so different yet so caring.

Merry Christmas to all !!!

Addicted...

In life we all have some ambition

Some reach, while others fail in the mission

And amongst all the confusion and complication

Rarely do we realize our unseen addiction.

Some smoke while others drink

Washing out their worries in the sink

Some do it for the calm and peace

Others simply to hide the lost piece

What if someone is addicted to happiness

No one shall ever call it a mess

But for those hooked to their grieves

Life seems to be stuck in briefs

When choice is among the darker lanes

The dim flickering light of hope goes in vain

It aint always about rights and the wrongs, coz

Sometimes addiction is the only way out for the darkness

It isn’t just about being some goose

As we swing through grandiose to otiose

For grief could be camouflage to the light unseen

Like smile often is, a cloak to the darkness within

---Sriram

A Dope... not just hope

No matter how far you are

Or, how long it has been

You never forget what it felt like

To have smiled and shared deep within

It didn’t matter and it never could

If she was a fairy tale or a devious angel

Only if, it were possible, I certain would

Knowing the end is certainly not well

I tried to run far away from me

But destiny just took twists and turns

Only to put me where it all began

And ended with ashes after the burns

May be the phoenix was lucky

For sometimes even the ashes could burn

And while we profess an end only to give hope

Eternally burning ash might just be the "dope"

---Sriram

A societal gimmick

From the very time we are born

To the moments when we breathe our last

Life revolves around things we were sworn

Oscillating between the future and our past.

It isn’t about the right and the wrong

The quotes, the thoughts and the song

This is good and that is bad is all we hear

Snubbing the grey shades, we all bear.

As Shakespeare remarked, Man is a paradoxical being,

full of contradictions, glorious and yet scandalous.

Yet the fragile human heart expects love and forgiveness,

while what remains is just a heap of callousness.

For what we are isn’t what we seem we are

Truth reveals in the darkest of our hours

The never ending lessons on values, morality and ethic

is nothing but an overbearing societal gimmick.

---Sriram

My Prowess

Alone I sit here in my old room

Bags are packed; things set in motion

Yet there’s this weird glory in the gloom

Not allowing me to move ahead inspite of all the devotion

What once made me happy asking for more

Just doesn’t seem to work anymore

And as I explore myself in those files and folders

Deep dark emotions seem to be in galore

While I see those pair of hopeful eyes

With all their aspirations resting on me

And then I see myself in the mirror and wonder

What has gotten into me with this fear and terror?

Is the loneliness which I fear

Or that I might just be another Lear

I wonder if I am all so ready

To keep my mind and heart so steady

Amongst all this shadow of darkness

Are intertwined both dreams and dope

It is time to realize one’s own prowess

And keep moving with that single ray of hope

---Sriram