Last few days had been really just too busy. Right from 8 am in the morning to 4 am events kept occurring keeping me right on to my foot. Not that I have never been on an edge, but this time it has been a little different. If I were to compare the past few days with my 3rd trimester days, I kept busy on both the occasions. During both the periods I seldom did sit casually in the mess and did talk on phone for long hours.
But the stark difference which I can feel is the things which are keeping me busy. Earlier, neither did I study a lot as much I should have, nor was there any kind of fun in my life. Or to put it more bluntly, I myself ran away from anything which could really make me happy. I have no reason to why I did so. And even if I have, I possibly won’t like to mention it anymore. All I did was to be melancholous about things around me and critically examine everything around me. Now before it seems that I am guilty about those days, I think I must stress, I am not. Probably those days were meant to be like that and what I did was the best course of action for me. Even if it was not, as some say, I disagree. Someone’s rightly said, “Believe in all that you decide and you shall come victorious even if the decision was not the best.” What I did learn was that sometimes even being sad about something can make you feel good and happy. It’s strange and I won’t be surprised if people mock at me because until now even I felt it to be stupid. But then the complexity of human mind and behaviour can make anything possible.
Coming back to the present day, I somehow am very happy about how things have been going around though nothing really has changed in the external environment. It seems like I have now learnt to take control of things happening to and around me rather than lamenting on the same inefficiencies and deficiencies of the system. If I were to take a look over the last one week, I have studied more than I generally do and that does satisfies me. I have attended all the meetings which I had to without any problem of time constraint and made sure it didn’t affect my life balance. I have been in touch with all my old friends and people who are close to my heart inspite of the hectic schedules we are forced to follow. I have been going out with my friends more than often. Most surprisingly I have not been involved in any kind of college bashing and society bashing. Last night I had an amazing time just getting soaked wet in rain and it did make me happy because that is what I have always loved to do but off late never did. I also feel back to what I was 2 years ago; someone who is pretty confident of what he does and gives a shit to what others talk behind his back; someone who loves interacting with new people and is never afraid to say what he believes in, even if that means going against the general perception of people.
It’s so amazing to find one’s own true self through acts which are regarded nothing more than insignificant. Probably so insignificant that people around me might not have even noticed the change in behavior and attitude. But, who cares! What is of the essence is I do realize and feel the change. I do understand what it means to me because seeing this change wasn’t so easy for me. Changes which I mentioned a few minutes back and changes which I did not. But for everything in this world I am loving it.