Most people I have met in my life have always had one common complain and point of dissatisfaction. They didn’t have any time (leave apart the concept of quality time) for themselves or for their family and loved ones. Sandwiched between work and endless responsibilities they found their lives being torn apart. They longed for moments where they could go and watch a movie or just sit by their window and relax or atleast have one morning when they wake up without getting tensed about all the unfinished tasks they need to complete. In short they were the modern day depictions of what Henry Davies wrote long back, “What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare.”
Till sometime back even I was one amongst them. The pressure of performance in all the activities I undertook voluntarily or involuntarily along with a host of personal and professional responsibilities used to drain me out. There were moments when i felt like running away to the Himalayas. Then came a moment of my life, when I got a dream job with my dream organizations, in a manner which still feels like a dream to me. Suddenly life changed in a blink of an eye. Moments before I was crashing under the nerve breaking pressure of proving oneself to the world; and suddenly I was a free bird.
Out of all the emotions which filled my heart the one which I wish to talk about is the pleasure of being “Completely Vella ” (For those with poor vocabulary “Vella” is the state of body and mind in which a person has absolutely nothing to do or think)
After a long time I wake up with no POAs at the back of my mind. I take all the time in the world to get ready (even if that makes no difference in how I look :P). Being a little abnormal, I now wake up pretty early in the morning. (I wake up late when I am supposed to do the contrary). My mom would be really happy to know that I now am regular with my breakfast also. And after all these morning chores I sit idle with literally no job. (Getting a job in medium run has made me unemployed in the short run). For the first few days I actually enjoyed this feeling of being vella. After all it came to me after a lot of trials and tribulations.
But this happiness was really short lived. I now feel really weird. And there are reasons for the same.
I wake up early and sleep late which gives me an extra couple of hours to spend. (But where?). I do not have any deliverables and have no reasons whatsoever to open a book or even the daily newspaper. (Honestly I wish to remain as far as I can from that ET). I don’t feel like browsing through a novel or books which give “general gyan”. But what really horrifies me is the fact that I don’t feel like watching movies or TV soaps either. While had exams I used to watch a movie almost every day along with those TV series (likes of HIMYM and Scrubs). And I used to take small naps while sitting on my study table. Even when I had to grasp those riling and vexing rules of IFRS and US GAAP, I always found time to compose poetry or write something abstract. But now I do none of them. How am I supposed to pass the 24 hours I have at my disposal... I guess the real fun and pleasure of having “fun” is when I have deadlines to achieve and unfinished tasks in my hands.
Yesterday, for the first time, I felt like I should have had a girlfriend. Not that I am looking for a short term relationship just to pass my time(I won’t do that even in my dreams), but looking at my committed friends I do know; they are always short of time(No offence meant). May be that is a panacea to all my problems.
I know I am a confused soul and when I should be living these moments, I am actually praying otherwise and would again pray otherwise the moment my prayers get answered! May be that is how I am.