Today I seem to be caught in a quandary with not just 2 unfavorable options to choose from, but a lot more wretched state of mind. On one hand when I look back and analyze the last 71 days I spent at home, I can visualize more than a score of beautiful moments lived after 4 long years. However, I do feel saddened by the thought that in spite of very good project I completed during the term, I couldn’t do exactly what I had wanted to. And today when I sit here on this same chair I have sat since I was in Class 9, I have a plethora of emotions overflowing from my heart making its way to my mind and hands making me write all that I feel. Rather, forcing me to express those simple moments of joy and sorrow which will seem trivial to everyone but me.
Being brought up in a joint family with 17 members living under the same roof and sharing the same kitchen, I was bestowed with an army of relatives spread all across the country with most of them concentrated in the neighboring states. However from the time I first went out to study I could rarely meet most of them. It isn’t that they never came or we never went, but of everyone I knew, it was just me who missed so many functions at home. Past 2 years, I couldn’t even meet all my family members also as most of them were too busy expanding the family business. Most of my cousins probably forgot the way I looked and owing to my weak memory I didn’t even remember all of them. I never missed not being at a function or a ceremony at home, but I did miss the fact that everyone but me was present and that it did make my mother a little sad. However this pseudo vacation I had gave me a chance to see all of them. Rather I could safely say that I met almost everyone I wanted to in all these years and no words could probably express my happiness and satisfaction. To emphasise, I met some 20 cousins of mine along with my 11 nephews and niece. The best part wasn’t just the fun I had with them talking about all the things which has happened in the recent past, but it was actually being scolded by my elder sister in the same way as like when I was a little kid. At least it gave me a feeling of belongingness and a reassurance that they still feel they have the right over me. In this age of breaking and distant relationships, these small facts make a big difference to someone like me.
To add I got a chance to see my school friends after a long time. Again the reason was the first time we all were all in the city at the same time. It never occurred earlier as I and my engineering friends never had a vacation at the same time. Probably meeting them once again brought a fresh flow of energy and enthusiasm as well as the real meaning of being friends. In all these days I once again got to hear the old jokes and habits of my friends, I once again got to hear those school time gossips and once again I got to share my thoughts with people who I know would respect never make fun of behind my back.
I got a chance to meet all my old school teachers who were teachers in the real sense and getting to be recognized and still remembered by the primary school teachers gave a feeling of joy which very few things in this world could ever give.
But all happy times are accompanied by worries and issues we need t resolve. All this time I kept on wondering if a little more efforts from my side would have helped me get even a better project which would have certainly aided my career and brought a little more security to it in times of the present crisis. Probably it did make me sad to know the fact that someone who is plans to take up finance is doing a summer project in marketing, however good it might be.
But when I weigh the 2 aspect where on one hand I had the time of my life with my extended family friends and teachers having a conversation which was both sophisticated and simple against the possibilities of a slightly better career option I gave up on my choice, I do now realize I am a good decision maker. Probably this was a very small step, rather unremarkable or unimportant in the bigger picture, but for me as an individual I got a firsthand experience of choosing between career and family. Rather living and making the most of it from the choices I made and not waste my time repenting on what could have been a possibility.
At least for now I am happy and excited with a slight shade of sadness. Happy because I had a good time at home; excited because there are once again going to be new set of challenges to face when back to Mumbai and sad because I will once again have to live on that pestiferous mess food and pesky college authorities.