Silent Thoughts

As I sit in repose, leaning back in my chair and listening to the tranquilizing music coming out of the violin, my mind wandered across the years and the holiday seasons spent in ways different each year.

Life tends to move in circles is what I have always believed. But then sometimes the run seems to be eternally long, making me wonder if the circle ever meets its beginning. Being the only child and brought up in a joint family, the experiences always used to be at extremes of commotion and total silence. Probably the first time when i moved out of my home, I so much wanted to stay alone, independently that I immediately rejected the idea of sharing my personal space with anyone whatsoever. And I loved those three years of having a room all for me and still never felt lonely. It was a nightmare for me to even think of staying in a hostel with triple sharing, but I was more than happy to be proved wrong. The two years were the best times which gave me the best of my friends who I so wish remain for the lifetime. And then a small duration of the stay in a flat with two of my close friends was another sweet addition to the memory lanes. To be honest, we never even considered it a flat. Atleast, I remember referring the place as pretty close to my home. And then suddenly here I am back to staying in a single room. The only difference being, its not so glorious and fun as it was for the first time. Maybe it is because of changed goals and motives or may be due to a taste of what it is to have friends around you all the time. I guess loneliness is more of a state of mind than the physical realities. As the romantics would put it, “one can be lonely amidst a party of friends and yet feel connected in a barren island.” Whatever the theory is, it makes me wonder as to why am I even thinking about all of this.

And before I could go deeper, suddenly, I am brought back to the reality with the noisy yet sweet little kids in the neighbourhood playing hide and seek. It is a festive season all around and the entire world seems to have gone back to the days when you sincerely believed in the SANTA. I look at those innocent faces wearing the red caps, I look at those gleaming faces wearing a smile and sharing the joy of being with their loved ones. Certainly a festival gives a way for you to revive the torn out and fill the widening gaps. And for me right now, it also is giving me a perfect moment to sit back and excuse myself from any work. A moment to sit by the window, listen to some soothing tunes and relish the memories, the experiences I have had with people so different yet so caring.

Merry Christmas to all !!!

Addicted...

In life we all have some ambition

Some reach, while others fail in the mission

And amongst all the confusion and complication

Rarely do we realize our unseen addiction.

Some smoke while others drink

Washing out their worries in the sink

Some do it for the calm and peace

Others simply to hide the lost piece

What if someone is addicted to happiness

No one shall ever call it a mess

But for those hooked to their grieves

Life seems to be stuck in briefs

When choice is among the darker lanes

The dim flickering light of hope goes in vain

It aint always about rights and the wrongs, coz

Sometimes addiction is the only way out for the darkness

It isn’t just about being some goose

As we swing through grandiose to otiose

For grief could be camouflage to the light unseen

Like smile often is, a cloak to the darkness within

---Sriram

A Dope... not just hope

No matter how far you are

Or, how long it has been

You never forget what it felt like

To have smiled and shared deep within

It didn’t matter and it never could

If she was a fairy tale or a devious angel

Only if, it were possible, I certain would

Knowing the end is certainly not well

I tried to run far away from me

But destiny just took twists and turns

Only to put me where it all began

And ended with ashes after the burns

May be the phoenix was lucky

For sometimes even the ashes could burn

And while we profess an end only to give hope

Eternally burning ash might just be the "dope"

---Sriram

A societal gimmick

From the very time we are born

To the moments when we breathe our last

Life revolves around things we were sworn

Oscillating between the future and our past.

It isn’t about the right and the wrong

The quotes, the thoughts and the song

This is good and that is bad is all we hear

Snubbing the grey shades, we all bear.

As Shakespeare remarked, Man is a paradoxical being,

full of contradictions, glorious and yet scandalous.

Yet the fragile human heart expects love and forgiveness,

while what remains is just a heap of callousness.

For what we are isn’t what we seem we are

Truth reveals in the darkest of our hours

The never ending lessons on values, morality and ethic

is nothing but an overbearing societal gimmick.

---Sriram

My Prowess

Alone I sit here in my old room

Bags are packed; things set in motion

Yet there’s this weird glory in the gloom

Not allowing me to move ahead inspite of all the devotion

What once made me happy asking for more

Just doesn’t seem to work anymore

And as I explore myself in those files and folders

Deep dark emotions seem to be in galore

While I see those pair of hopeful eyes

With all their aspirations resting on me

And then I see myself in the mirror and wonder

What has gotten into me with this fear and terror?

Is the loneliness which I fear

Or that I might just be another Lear

I wonder if I am all so ready

To keep my mind and heart so steady

Amongst all this shadow of darkness

Are intertwined both dreams and dope

It is time to realize one’s own prowess

And keep moving with that single ray of hope

---Sriram

As Mr. Agrawal once said, " "

As early as, when I was a high school student and was gaining my interest into debating and public speaking, I often found myself reading quotes by both great and anonymous people. I read it for reasons more than one. While, it primarily helped me throw in some 4 lines of great depth during my speeches, it also was amazing to see, how those people summed up such deep meanings in mere 25 words or so. Depth, intensity and aptness are the three aspects which gives life to these quotes. However, later, I realized, it’s not the three of what I just mentioned which really matters. It is the name, which is written below those 4 lines which make it deep, intense and apt. For when Shakespeare said, “What is in the name”, we do find a mention of his name below the statement.

I wondered what if I wish and am able to write something with lot of depth and intensity, something which would give rise to a school of thought may be or something which a young energetic school kid would like to quote 50 years from now. I guess, even if I am able to write something like that, it will either be lying in one of the hundreds of folders in my laptop or at most find some place in the cyber space owing to a personal blog I have created (assuming they just don’t have a mechanism to delete it once it stops being accessed).

So this drives a point that our words carry a weight mostly in proportion to the weight and significance of our personality and the space we acquire in the minds of people. Well, the reason, why I got stuck with this thought is not just due to my incessant desire to reach a position where what I speak shall become a quote to be quoted in future. May be if I focus on what I do will help me taste success faster than brooding on this random thought. May be I will come across as a self obsessed individual with this thought, but who cares. We all need an incentive to work and grow. May be this is what could drive me to abandon my sleep and sacrifice the homemade food and other luxuries. But on a more serious note, I have found myself a victim of such a philosophy on more than one occasion. And considering myself to be not totally insane, I guess it could or does happen with others as well. What I am talking about is our tendency to value people’s suggestion not on what they speak or suggest but more on what they are and how successful they have been. The business mantra which a small time school dropout businessman staying next to my home gave me was exactly what Mr C.K Prahlad and Mr. Porter gave in their books. While in the former’s case, I honestly didn’t pay any heed to what he said, I did spend hours reading and mugging every single word of the latter’s point of view and at times even appreciating the same.

Probably, it was just my ignorance, immaturity or a kiddish behaviour to have misjudged his advice on the superficial parameters like his education or the size of his business. Or maybe this is what a lot of us end up doing and do not even know. I realized it only a couple of days back.

So may be from now on, I will need to weigh the advice in terms of its content and relevance rather than the qualification of the one giving it to me. For blindly following what the so called great men said may not always be a sane act and neither would be discarding a thought of wisdom just because it came for free from a common man. After all what made Mr. Mittal, the biggest steel tycoon, may just not work for me.

---Sriram

बैठे थे एक रोज़ हम यूँ ही

बैठे थे एक शाम हम यूँ ही

कि सोचा हमने उस डूबते हुए सूरज को देखकर

क्यूँ लोग उदास हो जाते है कुदरत की इस खूबसूरती पर

आज भी उठ जाते है कुछ लोग गिर के, बार बार ज़मीन पर

बैठे थे एक रात हम यूँ ही

कि देखा हमने उस चाँद को

कितना ही रौशन कर दे वो उन गहरी रातों को

मगर नहीं भूल पाते लोग चरित्र पे लगे दाग को

बैठे थे एक सुबह हम यूँ ही

कि देखा उन पंछियो की उड़ान को

उड़ सकते है आप और हम भी, दूर गगन आसमान में

एक सच्चा मौका तो दो अपने आप को

बैठे थे एक रोज़ हम यूँ ही

कि, एक ख्याल आया हमारे दिल में

ना कोशिश की जिनके लिए, हमने कभी

आज करीब है दिल के सिर्फ वो कुछ लोग ही

बैठे है आज भी हम यूँ ही

अक्सर अपने खिड़कियो में , करते हुए इंतज़ार

कभी तो होगा सवेरा हमारी भी ज़िन्दगी में

कभी तो सच होंगे हमारे वो सपने भी

बैठते है हर रोज़ आज भी हम यूँ ही .

---श्रीराम